Game On!

The NHL Season kicks off tomorrow, and like any self respecting Canadian, I'm giddy with anticipation! With that in mind, I thought I would share with you 10 fearless predictions for the upcoming season.

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1. Dany Heatley will win the Rocket Richard trophy, the Ottawa Senators will miss the playoffs again, and Bryan Murray will be fired.

2. Marian Gaborik will miss 40 games with (wait for it) a groin injury.

3. The Toronto Maple Leafs may have added a boatload of "truculence", but they'll still miss the playoffs - Quelle Surprise!

4. Even with John Tavares, the New York Islanders will still suck.

5. In a stunning announcement that would make Brett Favre proud, Mats Sundin announces he is un-retiring and will join the New York Rangers for their playoff run.

6. Ovechkin will score a goal that will be even more spectacular than this one!

7. The Flyers will win the East, The Sharks will win the West - both will be upset in the first round of the playoffs.

8. The NHL will ban the use of BlackBerry's around the league.

9. Canada will defeat Russia to win Olympic Gold!

10. The Pittsburgh Penguins repeat as Stanley Cup Champions defeating the Detroit Red Wings - Sidney Crosby still can't grow a playoff beard.

Am I Going to Hell?

Do you have what it takes to get thrown out of a church?? Are you bad ass enough to be told that you're a negative influence on a congregation?? Have you ever been kicked out of a House of God by the Pastor himself??

I have! That's right, 5 years ago this Screaming Meanie was thrown out of a church and asked not to come back!

I know what you're thinking. "JC! What did you do?!??".

Was I dealing drugs?? Heckling the Pastor?? Questioning the Good Book?? Mocking Jesus?? Or did I turn the Pastor's wife into a Screaming Moanie??

Mwuahahahahahahah!

No, I'm afraid it was nothing quite so sinister. In fact, it was such an everyday event that it's almost unfathomable that it was an issue for the church. Are you ready for this? Folks, I was tossed from a church for - *GASP* - dating!!

Huh?!?? Yeah, I didn't get it either. It's not like I was dating a man.

*sigh*

I will explain.

5 years ago, the future Mrs. Meanie and I began our whirlwind romance. However, at the time that our courtship began, we were both still married to other people!!! Mon dieu! Well, according to the "church" we were still married, according to big brother, we were happily seperated from our respective spouses - and had been for over a year!

My ex-wife and I had called it quits the year before, and she wasted no time moving on. The day after I moved out she posted an ad on a dating site! The future Mrs. Meanie's ex-husband left her for, ahem, an ugly woman! That's no joke, I couldn't make that up folks.

The trouble with the church started when one of the busybody neighbours (who was a member of the same church we were) noticed that I had slept over at the future Mrs. Meanie's house (how bad are we?!??). Being the good Christian that she is, the neighbour ran to the Pastor to tell him what we had done!

And so the intervention began.

The Pastor had arranged to have a few of the men in the church meet with me to try to make me see the error of my ways. We met individually for coffee, and as a group - after a series of meetings over a few days, I almost felt dirty for falling in love with a woman. Almost.

Of course the women did the same thing with the future Mrs. Meanie.

They tried their best to make us feel guilty for "cheating" on our spouses. It didn't matter that we were both legally seperated, because in the eyes of the church we were committing adultery because God doesn't reckognize seperations. He doesn't??

Now, you have to understand that this whole church thang was still very new to both of us. Neither of us grew up going to church. In fact, I was 18 before I realized that "Jesus Christ" was a real dude and not just something your parents say when the cable bill comes in!

So then how was I supposed to know that it was "God's plan" for us to reconcile with our spouses?? Far be it for me to question (or worse - anger) the big guy upstairs, but surely he knew my ex-wife. So how could that be his plan for me?? Didn't he like me??? Didn't he want me to be happy?? Or was this one his tests that I heard so much about?? You know what I'm talking about right?? Your house is ripped apart by a tornado on the same day you lose your job and find out your Mother has passed away - but it's not a bad thing - it's just God's way of "testing" you to see if you will continue to follow him.

But I digress....

It was unimportant to the church that both of our ex's had moved on or that the future Mrs. Meanie and I had ZERO interest in patching up our marriages, the good Christians tried and tried and tried to get us to stay with The Lord and put our relationship on hold.

But there were two things working against that, a) we were madly in love and b) we had both been single for over a year and had rediscovered the joy of physical contact (I'll let you make your own conclusions).

So, the church called in the big gun - The Pastor himself!

He came to the house to Biblethump us. He didn't want to lose two of his sheep. Two of his rising stars. Two of his future leaders in the church. Two people who were regularly tithing. Oh, did I say that out loud??

Armed with scripture, he blasted us with reasons why our relationship couldn't continue. Then he started on me with his "if you were a man" nonesense. If I was a man I would be strong enough to dump the future Mrs. Meanie. If I was a man I would be able to reckognize that she wasn't strong enough to do it herself. If I was a man I would be able to see that by prolonging the relationship I was risking her eternal damnation.

If I was a man.

If I was a man??

Cue the slow burn.

I was raised to respect people in a position of authority, but I was beginnig to lose my good senses. I politely explained to the greedy well meaning Pastor that we had no intention of ending our relationship.

He then told us that we were a bad influence within the congregation and that they couldn't condone what we were doing. He said that if we insisted defying God's will, that he was going to have to ask us to stay away from the church.

Gak! The future Mrs. Meanie and I had just been thrown out of a church!! So what were we to do?? Well, I decided to "be a man" and I threw the Pastor out of the house!!

My question is, what would happen if we were to ever go back to church?? Would we spontaneously combust and be cast into the depths of hell the minute we set foot in there?? Well, the future Mrs. Meanie and I have decided not to risk it and have therefore just avoided the hallowed grounds altogether.

So far it seems to be working for us.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

You're humming that annoying Christmas tune right now aren't you??

When I say "It's the most wonderful time of the year", I don't mean Christmas. But if not Christmas, then what??

The kids going back to school? Nope, that's soooooooo last week.

Baseball playoffs?? Nahhh, too early.

NFL?? Yeah it's pretty cool that football season is under way, but since my Raiders haven't played a relevant game in almost 7 years, that ain't it.

NHL?? Yes, training camps have opened, but I'm a Leafs fan, so if there's anything wonderful about that, please, enlighten me!!

No folks, what I'm talking about is much bigger than "back to school". It's an occasion far greater than Christmas. And it's something wayyyyy better than sports!!

I'm talking about............

SURVIVOR!!

Few things in life make me happy the way Survivor does. There's Battlestar Galactica (Caprica Six......hubba hubba!). Star Wars (original trilogy) does. Games 6 and 7 of the 2002 World Series did. Pocket Aces make me happy about 80% of the time. Cheesecake makes me happy 100% of the time. My kids of course take the cake (but if they take the cheesecake I'll disown them). And then there's the future Mrs. Meanie - at certain times of the day (or night as it were) she makes me the happiest!! Heh heh.

But I digress.

As of this writing, there are only 2 more sleeps until the 19th Season of Survivor (Samoa) premieres on CBS!

2 more sleeps until I get to hear Jeff Probst utter those four famous words - "The tribe has spoken".

2 more sleeps until 20 cast aways will starve themselves for a shot at a million dollars.

2 more sleeps until my Thursday nights are tied up for the next few months.

2 more sleeps until the next JC's Survivor Pool.

2 more sleeps until the plotting, planning and backstabbing begins.

2 more sleeps until hot-half-naked-dumb-as-post-women fill my 52" LCD TV! (What can I say - I'm a man!).

2 more sleeps until Friday mornings at the office are filled with Survivor talk! I guess if you want to split hairs that would be 3 more sleeps.

2 more sleeps until this junkie gets his fix!

2 more sleeps until I find out if anyone is hot enough to make this list.

2 more sleeps until we find out if anyone will be this stupid.

2 more sleeps until I am the happiest Meanie in the blogosphere!

Did I mention that it's 2 more sleeps until dumb-half-naked-women will be on my TV screen??

Only 2 more sleeps!

*sigh*

Oh, and when I said that Survivor is "wayyyyy" better than sports - I may have been exaggerating just a wee bit.

JC's Top 5: Rocky Moments

Growing up, Rocky Balboa was one of my hero's - along with Luke Skywalker, Daniel Larusso, and Captain Kirk! So it was only a matter of time before I dedicated a top 5 list to the Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa.

This list is all about 'Rocky Moments'. Now, one of the things you'll notice is that Rocky's speech to his son from the movie Rocky Balboa made the list here (one of my top 10 movie scenes of all time), but is not included in this top 5. Why?? Because this blog is about the emotional moments from the Rocky movies. Those moments that either give you goosebumps or bring a tear to your eye. And Perhaps Rocky's speech to his son was one of those moments, but I chose not to include it.

My blog - My rules!

With that in mind, I give you JC's Top 5 Rocky Moments! Enjoy.


5. He's Not a Machine. He's a Man!

In Rocky IV, Rocky Balboa takes on the seemingly unbeatable Russian Captain, Ivan Drago. Early on in the movie, Drago kills Apollo Creed in an exhibition fight and Rocky is looking to avenge the death of his bestest buddy. The fight doesn't start out so well for Rocky as the Russian lays a pretty good beating on him. But as we know from the previous three flicks, Rocky's chin is made of iron! Drago however must have missed Rocky I thru III because he's caught completely off guard when Balboa launches a powerful counter attack! This is one of my favourite scenes of the Rocky (uhhhhh.....sixology??) and you will be cheering FOR SURE!





4. We've Got Everything But The Truth......

They say that behind every good man there is a great woman. Never has that been more evident than in the following clip. After the death of his trainer Mickey, and the revelation that all 10 of his title defences were against handpicked opponents, Rocky is struggling to find his mojo. Unsure of himself, his training with former foe turned friend Apollo Creed has been somewhat lacklustre.

Enter Adrian Balboa.

She gives Rocky an inspirational speech that rivals any that Barack Obama has delivered!

In the following clip, the Rocky III training montage follows the tongue lashing bestowed upon Rocky by Adrian. Enjoy.




3. There's One Thing I Want You To Do For Me.....

The Rocky movies are full of great life lessons. The lesson in this clip is an important one, so ladies - PAY ATTENTION!! We men can accomplish nothing without your support. No matter what we're doing in life - working, playing, loving or living, if we don't have the support of the woman we love the most, we will suck at it. In the back of our head, we will always be thinking, "she doesn't want me to do this", or worse, "she doesn't believe in me"!!

Let me set up the following clip for you. Following their epic bout from the first Rocky, Apollo Creed desperately wants a re-match to prove that the first fight was a fluke (Rocky went the distance). Rocky accepts the challenge from the Champ even though Adrian wants him to retire (for health reasons) and is vehemently against the fight. As a result, his training for the fight is uninspired, and life at home with his pregnant wife is strained. When complications during childbirth result with Adrian slipping into a coma, Rocky begins to evaluate what's important in his life.

This clip picks up with Adrian waking from her coma. Yes, the shivers you'll get watching this are normal.




2. Rocky Balboa Has Shocked The World!!

I could watch this scene over and over and over again! Wait a second, I have watched it over and over again! Ok, here's what you need to know about this clip - Rocky Balboa has no chance of beating Apollo Creed for the title. ZIP. ZERO. NADA.

Having said that......enjoy the clip.




1. Where's Your Hat?

Ok, this may not be a spine chilling or awe inspiring clip. Nor is it a clip that will have you leaping from your couch and cheering. But it is my favourite moment of all six Rocky flicks.

I have long believed that save for Titanic, the first Rocky may be the greatest love story ever told! In this clip, Rocky Balboa has just accomplished what no other fighter in history has managed - he's gone the distance with the Champion Apollo Creed. So how does Rocky celebrate this implausible feat?? By crying out for Adrian! And when she finally arrives in the ring, mere moments before they exchange their first "I love you's", Rocky utters the greatest line from the entire series - "Where's your hat?".

Those three simple words epitomize the Rocky character and I absolutely loved it. Enjoy the fight!



Let me know what your favourite Rocky moment is!

Father of the Year

Ladies and gentlemen (I'm assuming my faithful readers are one or the other), I heard some news today that made me shake my head. Worse, when I heard the news I think I even uttered the "F" word - in front of my Mama Meanie no less!!

I warn you now, this is a very personal blog entry and I'm not attempting to be objective. Nor am I trying to be politically correct or nice - hey, the blog is called "The Screaming Meanie" not "The Screaming Nicie".

So what's the news??

The future Mrs. Meanie's ex-husband is a Father again. Yikes!!

Ok, so at first blush, this may not seem so shocking (or personal). But for those unfamiliar with the exploits of the Dumb Ass that is my future's ex, I shall enlighten you.


The Father of the Year (who shall from here on in be referred to as FOTY or dumb ass) already has 2 children that he has chosen not to see.

Yep, you read that right. For reasons unbeknownst to me (or anyone else for that matter), after leaving his wife for another woman, he just decided one day to stop seeing his children. That was 4 years ago.

How does a man live with himself after walking out on his kids?? He'll tell anyone who will listen that his "bitch ex-wife" won't let him see his kids. But I can assure you dear readers, that that's a big steaming pile of monkey crap. He has never, not once, been denied access to his children. Even if the future Mrs. Meanie wanted to, as an advocate of Father's rights, I never would have allowed it.

Spreading his bile may make him feel better when facing his friends (like the bible-thumping hypocrite or the forever expanding Italian), but I can't help but wonder what goes through his little pea brain when he's on his own. When there's no one around to lie to, does he think about his kids?? About what he's done to them?? Does he think about them on their birthday's?? And does he feel guilty for leaving them Fatherless?

Well, they're not really Fatherless. They have me. And I don't toot my own horn very often, but as far as I'm concerned, they've upgraded. They may not call me "Dad" (a conversation I'm sure the future Mrs. Meanie and I will have soon), but I am "Dad" to them in most senses of the word. And come November 7th, I'll be "Dad" in EVERY sense of the word.

As a Father myself, I can't help but wonder how a man could possibly leave his children. More specifically, why did Dumb Ass abandon his kids?? I wish I knew. All I know is that he was pissed that he didn't get his way in court and hasn't seen the kids since. Is it nothing more than the mother of all hissy fits?? It's hard to think that someone can be that childish, but I really don't have any other explanation.

So before I end this blog entry I must ask the obvious question - is his current wife the dumbest woman on earth??? Seriously, I'm not asking tongue in cheek. He's already abandoned 2 children - why in the name of the Baby Jesus would she ever want to have a child with this dork?? What makes her think that he won't abandon their daughter??

And when he's holding that little girl, does it remind him that he already has a little girl that desperately needed a Father?? Not to mention a son. But not to worry, his two kids will be loved and taken care of. They will not go Fatherless - I'll do it. And I'll do it much better than he ever could have.

Any idiot can make a baby (FOTY is living proof of that), but it takes a man to be a Father!

Take Me Out To The Ball Game......

There are so many "firsts" in life that you never forget. Your first day of school. Your first car. Your first love. Your first kiss.

But all of these pale in comparison to your first baseball game!

And so it is that I am extremely thrilled to have shared that experience this past weekend with the future Mrs. Meanie's son, Connor.

However, what was even better, was watching my son Christian take take his future step-brother under his wing and teach him the ropes - helping him pick out a souvenir t-shirt, showing him where the bullpen is, showing him how to read the scoreboard, and more importantly, how to use your licorice as a straw!

Yes, this past Sunday, I took my boys to the Roger Centre to see the Jays play the Yankees.

An afternoon at the ballpark - Baseball. Souvenirs. Hot Dogs. Popcorn. Peanuts. Coke. Pizza. Does it get any better for 12 and 6-year old boys??

It was so cool watching Connor as he observed everything with wondrous eyes that only a 6-year old possesses. As we sat on the top level of the train he marveled at being able to see the roof of the train station. He was in awe at the height of the roof in the Skywalk (the walkway that connects Union Station to Rogers Centre).

And then there was the Rogers Centre itself. To a 6-year old, it must have seemed like the grandest place on earth!

As I mentioned earlier, my son Christian took it upon himself to be the best big brother he could be and enhance Connor's first trip to the ballpark. And I couldn't have been prouder of him for doing it. I have been doing my best to raise him to become a man. A good man. And eventually, a great Father. And based on what I saw Sunday, he has been paying attention.

Connor looks up to his big brother so much so, that on Sunday, he decided that he finally likes hot dogs. And why?? Because Christian was having a hot dog!

Seeing that it was Connor's first game, we introduced him to everything! The street meat outside the Rogers Center. He got to meet and have his picture taken with the drummer dude who rhythmically plays and sings "Let's go Blue Jays". He got his first program. His first Jays cap. His first Jays T-Shirt. And ultimately found a favourite player - Travis Snider.

Connor was thrilled to watch his new favourite player - Travis Snider - run down a fly a ball and make a spectacular catch in left field. He was even happier to see him throw the tagging runner out at home.

We also introduced him to his first seat at the ball diamond. Section 236, Row 1, Seat 6. Yup. First Row! We prefer the 200 level because the seats are cushioned, and they have cup holders - which come in very handy when you have a bucket size Coke!!

The only downside to the seats we occupied is that they weren't in an ideal location for catching foul balls. But that didn't stop Connor from sliding on his glove every time a "lefty" came to the plate - just incase. We never did catch a foul ball (although two dropped right in front of us and one flew just over our heads), but after almost every one, Connor chronicled in great detail (and with actions) how he would have caught the ball had it arrived in our section.

The only thing better than lots of junk food and souvenirs at a ballpark, is when the home team wins. And the Jays didn't just win, they spanked the Evil Empire (Yankees) 14-8!

Connor couldn't wait to show his Mom (the future Mrs. Meanie) all the neat stuff he accumulated throughout the afternoon. Programs, pictures, a t-shirt, and the item he coveted the most, his new ball cap!

I'm all about creating memories for the kids. Sometimes (like Sunday) it costs me a fortune, but at the end of the day, it's worth every penny. My goal, my job, is to teach these boys how to be men. How to be Fathers. And my hope is that when my boys have kids of their own, that they'll remember days like Sunday, and will want to create these types of memories for their children. If they do that, I will have succeeded as a Father, and my Grandchildren will reap the benefits.

Until then, I will leave you with these words of wisdom..........

Let's go Blue Jays!

M.A.D.D. - Meanies Against Drunk Driving

I had a crappy morning. And why? Well, the amateur that made my morning coffee at Tim Horton's certainly didn't help - I can handle a mediocre cup of coffee from time to time, but please, for the love of all that is screaming and mean, NOT MY MORNING COFFEE!! However, that's not the reason my morning was awful.

No, it's because some genius decided to have a few (too many) drinks last night, and then thought it might be fun to lead the police on a high speed chase. The chase, which was called off for safety reasons, resulted in Mr. Brilliant-Drunk crashing his car on the Queen Street Hill, which is one of the major accesses that connects the Hamilton escarpment to the lower city. The crash resulted in the closure of this access during the morning rush hour.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the lovely City of Hamilton, when one access is closed, the overflow is funnelled to the other accesses (West 5th, Clairmont and Jolly Cut) which causes a nightmare inducing traffic jam.

That, is what ruined an otherwise beautiful morning. A drunk flippin' driver.

I suppose it's only fair to let you, my faithful readers know the fact that this moron was drunk was never reported in the press. However I, The Screaming Meanie (Mwuahahahahah), have my sources.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, pisses me off more than a drunk driver. And for the life of me, I don't understand why it still happens. We've all grown up with M.A.D.D. (the Mother brand, not the Meanie brand), we were raised watching a slew of Public Service Announcements, and we know what the results of drinking and driving are.

And yet it still happens. I've had two family members lose their license for drinking and driving - one was young and dumb, the other was old and dumber. They both should have known better. I've heard colleagues tell stories about how they drove home "completely wrecked" - which is usually followed up by the obligatory, "I'm not proud of it" speech (which begs the question, if you're not proud of it, why are you sharing it?). I've seen numerous pictures on Facebook of "friends" drinking (or weeding) and driving. All of it disgusts me.

I know first hand (well as first hand as you can get without being involved in an accident) the horrific results of drinking and driving. A few years ago my brother and sister were on their way home in a cab (ironically after a night of drinking), when they were t-boned by a drunkin' idiot. There injuries were not life threatening, but they were severe, and they were permanent. Police said they were lucky. Had their cab been one foot further up the road, they probably would have been killed.

One foot.

My brother and sister, who I love more than anything save my children, came within 12 inches of losing their lives.

12" inches.

All because some freakin' loser was too stoooooopid to call a cab. The only thing about this that gives me any solace is the fact that the drunk driver dickhead's injuries were severe - more severe than my brother and sister's as a matter of fact!

So whyyyyyyy, does it still happen??

The PSA's are out there. They're visible. They're consistent.

Police have apparently stepped up their RIDE programs - although I have seen no evidence of this (in the last 13 years, I have only been stopped at 2 ride programs). But they say they're there.

I believe that the penalties for drinking and driving need to be more unforgiving. The laws as they are now are a joke!

And since you've asked how I would punish drunk drivers, I'll share my brilliant ideas with you, my readers.

First offence, no matter how minor, you lose your drivers license. Forever. No second chances. No bleeding-heart-liberal-judge to give you a "you've been a bad boy" speech and then slap you on your wrist. You lose your privilege - not your right, your privilege - to drive for the rest of your life.

Of course we know this will result in people driving with a suspended license. So I have a plan for that too. If you get caught driving with a suspended license due to a DUI charge, you get an automatic 12-month prison sentence. No plea bargains. No half way house. Do not pass go. You go directly to jail! And you serve the entire 12 months.

Second offence - 36 months.

Third offence - 10 years.

If there's a fourth offence, you just don't get out again. Ever again.

Yes, I know, the punishment is severe - but what a deterrent. Do you think people might think twice about drinking and driving if their license is permanently on the line??

I'd love to know what you think. How would you dole out punishment?? Has your life been impacted by a drunk driver??

Oh, and do you remember the dumb ass that ruined my morning?? He has a punctured lung and two broken ankles - one of them shattered. I get giddy just thinking about him suffering!