Behemoth Slays Gramma and Only Son

This past Friday I took my not-yet-elderly Mother Meanie and my not-yet-teenaged (thank God!) Kiddie Meanies to the "One Fun Wonderland". Canada's Wonderland is an amusement park located just north of Toronto and the kids had been waiting all summer to get there! Opening and closing the park (as we always do) makes for a long day - which can be verified by the blisters on my feet - but man is it ever worth it!

I thought it might be fun to share some of the highlights - or lowlights as it were - of our day with you.

No Guns Allowed

As we made our way to the entrance, we were required to pass through a metal detector. I suppose I feel safer knowing that the dumb ass gang-bangers out there can't bring their illegal guns to the park, but Jesus, how sad is it that at a family amusement park we need to have metal detectors??

*sigh*

Say What?

When you get on a ride, do you ever pay attention to the ride operators? You know, the people that tell you to keep your arms inside the ride, and to enjoy the rest of your day at Canada's Wonderland? I don't normally listen to them, but as our day wore on, I realized that there are only two types of ride operators - the ones that are auditioning for open mic night at Yuk Yuk's, and the ones who swallow the microphone before they speak!

To the former I can only say - DUDE. YOU. ARE. NOT. FUNNY.

As far as the latter goes, I'm not great at impressions, but here is my impression of the microphone-swallowing-ride-operator. Ahem. Buh-bah-muh-mah-mah. Mah-buh-ba-meth-beh-boh. Bah-buh-buh-mah-buh-buh-meth. Ma-buh-bah-moh-mah-Canada's Wonderland. If you can decipher that, you're a better listener than I.

Crack Scratch Fever

This should probably be saved for a 'Screaming Confession', but what the hell, I'll share it with you now - for the first couple hours we were at the park I had an incredibly itchy arse!! Yeah, you heard me right! It was the kind of itch that made me wish I didn't bite my nails. Luckily, I found the cure for an itchy arse - it's the Skyrider!! The Skyrider is a stand up roller coaster that has a wee little bicycle seat just incase. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the g-forces created by this coaster pushes your butt down into the bicycle seat, where aside from doing temporary damage (I hope) to your crotch, removes any and all itches from your backside.

Drop Tower

Imagine being lifted over 230 feet in the air, only to be dropped back to the ground at over 100km/hr. Yes, it's a wee bit crazy. And a whole lot scary! My kids were fighting over who got to sit next to Dad on this ride, but as I told them, when you're at the top of the tower, the only person you'll want next to you is Jesus Christ!

Behemoth

If there is one ride more terrifying than Drop Tower, it's Behemoth! The first hill is a dizzying 230ft in height, drops at a 75 degree angle at 125 km/hr, and is absolutely mind blowing! Behemoth's first drop is so intimidating that it drained the courage meter of my Mother (who is afraid of nothing!) and my son who both bailed on the ride. My 11-year-old daughter however had no trouble taming the Behemoth.

Being the fearless ride warrior that she is, I told her I would give her $10 if she could keep her arms up all the way down the first hill. To my amazement, she did it. The second time we hit Behemoth, she offered to give me the $10 back if I would keep my arms up going down the first hill - I told her she could keep it!

Age Restriction

While most of the rides have a height restriction, I couldn't help but wonder if some of the rides should have had an age restriction. I'm not talking about restricitons for riding the rides, but rather operating them. Several times throughout the day our lines were delayed by operators who were poorly trained, attempting to be funny, not paying attention, or just plain old slow - you know, typical teenage stuff. But it's a wee bit scary to think that you're riding a roller coaster that cost millions of dollars to build, drops over 200 feet, and travels over 100km/hr, and yet it's being run by a group of kids who can't even drive a car!

Do Not Stand Up

Seriously, is this sign really necessary?

Rip off. Rip off. Rip off. Bargain!

I understand that everything costs more at Canada's Wonderland, but is it really necessary to rape us??? Seriously, we paid $62 for lunch - 2 cheeseburger combos and 2 chicken souvlaki combos. Rip off! We were going to get funnel cakes for a snack, but at $10.99 each, I couldn't justify the cost - Rip off! Everything is outrageously priced - food, t-shirts, mugs, stuffed animals, games, all rip offs!

However, amidst all the rip offs, we did manage to find a major bargain. The weather on Friday was unseasonably cool, and at one point a light rain started to fall. Luckily, Wonderland was having a clearance sale on windbreakers - are you ready for this?? Five bucks!! That's right, brand new windbreakers for five dollars. Hundreds of people - including the four of us - all took advantage of this rare CW bargain as we were all sporting our brand new VIP Cedar Fair windbreakers! I'm not sure, but methinks hell just froze over!

60 minutes, 7 rides!

Towards the end of the day, the crowds started to thin, and the line ups began to wane which was great news for us. Between 9:00 and 10:00pm we managed to squeeze in a mind blowing 7 rides! It started at 9:02pm with Thunder Run. From there we hit Vortex, The Bat, Wild Beast, Drop Tower, Dragon Fire and at 9:59pm, we were on Spinovator! Phew! I'm gettin' tired just thinking about that last hour.

All in all, it was a great day. The kids loved it. My Mom loved it. I loved it! Can't wait to go back again next year!

Screaming Confession #2

In keeping with the tradition of admitting something that could be (or should be) considered embarrassing, I give you my second Screaming Confession........

I like High School Musical!! No, that's not right. Actually, I LOVE IT!!!



Yes, this 37-year old flaming heterosexual man, who loves action movies, Maxim cover girls, poker, sports and just about any other "manly-man" thing you can think of, loves High School Musical!

Say what?!?? Yeah I know. Blame my kids.

But I can't help it. As we watched High School Musical 3 last night (again), it dawned on me.....I love watching these kids dance!!

The dance numbers get bigger and better with each movie - although I will say that I was wee bit disappointed with the story in the third installment of the franchise. But then again, are we looking for a great story or just killer songs??

And speaking of killer songs, my absolute favourite High School Musical tune has got to be Can I Have This Dance (although Everyday from HSM2 is a very very close 2nd). Yes, it's a little sappy, and yes I should know better. But dammit, every now and then my inner-romantic just screams for attention! It's a Meanie thing.



So there you have it! Another confession off my chest.......I feel much better now.

So what's your favourite High School Musical Song??

JC's Top 5 - Childhood Memories

Last Saturday, the future Mrs. Meanie and I were travelling to see her brother in Mississauga. Unfortunately an accident forced us off the highway in Burlington and as a result, we travelled through my old stomping grounds. As I was pointing out places that held special meaning to me and recalling childhood memories, an idea came to mind - why not blog about it?? And then a better idea came to mind - why not add an entry to JC's Top 5? Yes, I'm a genius!

And so, I give you JC's Top 5 Childhood Memories!

Enjoy.

5. Pokey Hats and Jumbo Cookies

As a child, there was almost nothing better than finding out we were taking a trip to my Grandmother's house. Nanny, as we call her, was the bestest host ever!! All the little things we didn't get at home were plentiful at Nanny's house - assorted candies, pop, trifles, and apple crisps. She always had something tasty that was ready to be served.

But the best had to be Pokey Hats and Jumbo Cookies!!

Pokey hats are what the Scottish refer to as ice cream cones because if you turned the cone upside down, it resembled a hat! The ice cream was always vanilla, and while it may not sound so exciting, this was always the highlight of our visit!

Jumbo cookies really aren't all that "jumbo", and I'm not even sure why they're called "Jumbo Cookies", but to this day they are the yummiest cookies I have ever tasted! Even now, if I know Nanny has made a batch of Jumbo's, and is bringing them over, I get giddy!

4. Kevin and Wendy

Whether it was sitting up on Christmas Eve to see if we could catch a glimpse of Santa, or driving our parents nuts with our crazy giggle fits during dinner, as a child, some of my best memories are of the times I spent with my cousins Kevin and Wendy.

We would get so excited when our parents told us we were going to our cousins house because it meant loads of fun, fun, fun!! We would swim in their pool, play Intellivision (Astrosmash still rules!), and we would always get to stay up late!

My favourite memories with Kevin and Wendy?

1. 
   
   Street hockey! Kevin and I played a ton of street hockey. He usually played net. I was either Borje Salming or Darryl Sittler, and he'd be Ken Dryden or Vladislav Tretiak. I would like to say that I buried the biscuit on him many times, but the truth is Kevin was unbelievably gifted as an athlete and if I took 10 shots on him, I'd be lucky to score twice.
2. 
   
   Christmas dinners! Any dinner with my cousins was a laugh a minute, but there was something special about Christmas or Thanksgiving. At one particular Christmas Dinner, we were laughing so hard we were shaking. We had sore tummy's and the tears were rolling down our faces. Of course we were told to "be quiet and eat our dinner", but when my sister attempted to eat her buttered dinner roll, she was shaking so hard, that she missed her mouth and wound up buttering her forehead with it! Ok, it seems a lot funnier when you're 10!
3. 
   
   Superbowl XVIII. Raiders vs. Redskins. Kevin and I were the only two in the house rooting for the Raiders (since none of our parents were Redskin fans, I can only assume they had money on the game). After the Raiders took a 14-0 lead, Kevin and I were hootin' and hollering so much that our parents kicked us out of the family room and forced us to watch the rest of the game in the basement. Much to the dismay of our parents, we continued our hooligan ways in the basement. To this day, it is still the greatest football game I have ever seen!

3. Uncle Tim and Chuck E.!

If I could describe my Uncle Tim with one word it would be 'joker'. Yes, he is the undisputed king of practical jokes!

So I will never forget the day he was babysitting my brother and I and he surprised us by taking us to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Chuck E. Cheese's had just opened in our city, and of course when he asked us if we wanted to go, I thought he was joking. In fact, even as we cruised into the parking lot, I still thought he was pulling our leg. It wasn't until we got inside and actually ordered the pizza that I realized that this wasn't another one of his practical jokes - we were really at Chuck E. Cheese's! None of my friends had been there yet and I knew they'd be sooooooo jealous! It was one of the greatest days of my childhood!

Pizza and an arcade - does it get any better?? Thanks Uncle Tim! You done good!

2. A long time ago......

The first time I saw Star Wars in 1977, it was the most magical event of my short little life! Right from the opening crawl and the ensuing space battle above Tatooine, my imagination was instantly transported to a galaxy far far away!

The spaceships were amazing. The alien creatures were weird. The robots (called droids) were cool. The Princess was beautiful. Darth Vader was bad! And a farm boy from a desert planet saved the galaxy! What was not to love for a 5-year old boy??

And so it is, that I still remember the warm summer day, sitting on a grassy hill at the side of the road, a stone's throw from my house, when my Dad, returning from work, pulled up in the car, rolled down the window and shouted, "hey buddy, do you want to go see Star Wars again"? Did he mean now?? Like, NOW, now?!??

Yes, he meant NOW, now.

I was on cloud 9! I couldn't believe I was going to see Darth Vader, Han Solo, Princess Leia and my hero, Luke Skywalker AGAIN!!

Now, you have to understand, the reason this was such a momentous occasion in my childhood is that my Dad almost never did this kind of thing. He was more of a, come-home-from-work-and-fall-asleep-on-the-couch kind of Dad. So it was something very special indeed and I will never ever forget that day!

Fast forward to 2009 and still no movie has matched the excitement or captured my imagination the way Star Wars did.

1. Colouring with my Mommy

My absolute favourite childhood memory happened to be when I was sick. Weird I know - but please, read on......

I was on the couch, watching Sesame Street, sipping a Ginger Ale, eating dry crackers, and colouring in a colouring book. As a little gaffer, I couldn't stay within the lines to save my life!

And then my Mom sat down next to me, grabbed some crayons and started colouring the picture on the left hand side of the page. I was so happy that my Mom was colouring with me. The simple act of my Mom colouring with me had an effect that no medication ever could.

And then the most incredible thing happened. The picture on my Mom's page came to life!! Ok, not literally, but I was amazed at how well my Mom could colour! She didn't colour outside of the lines once!

I still remember how pretty the Princess in the picture looked when my Mom was finished. I remember how blonde (or, yellow) her hair was. I remember her pretty blue dress. And I remember I wanted to save that picture to show my friends. At that moment, I was the proudest 5-year old on the planet! I knew that none of my friend's Mom's could colour like my Mom! My Mom was special, and she was all mine!

Thanks Mom, not only for the best childhood and childhood memory ever, but for your love and support throughout the years!

I will always love you best.

Michael Vick - The Most Hated Sports Figure Ever?

This past Thursday the Philadelphia Eagles shocked the football world by signing the much maligned quarterback Michael Vick to a one year contract (with an option for a second year). The move came as a surprise for a couple of reasons:

1. The Eagles already have a couple of very good QB's in Donovan McNabb and Kevin Kolb.


2. Whoever picked up Vick was going to be heavily criticized for allowing this monster a spot on their NFL roster. If he had signed with the Raiders - it wouldn't have surprised me. But the Eagles?? Didn't see that coming. Especially considering point #1.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last little while, let me explain. In 2007 Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison for operating a dog fighting ring. He did it to make money - the millions of dollars you get for being an NFL QB doesn't go nearly as far as it used to I suppose. With money on the line, dogs that performed poorly were either electrocuted, hanged, or drowned.

Disgusted yet? Yeah, I thought you might be.

So here we are. After completing his sentence, Vick is out of prison and free to play football again (after he serves a 4 game suspension).

However the question everybody is asking is, should he be allowed to play? After all, his crime is so heinous, he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near an NFL stadium right?

Well I have a better question. Why are we vilifying Michael Vick?? Seriously, why?? Actually, I don't need any smart ass comments from the peanut gallery, I know why he's being vilified. But haven't there been far worse atrocities committed by NFL players in the past? Why aren't we denigrating them? Ok, maybe that was the genius question.

In 2000, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis was indicted for murder and aggravated assault following a fight that broke out at a Superbowl party. He later pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor charge of obstruction of justice in exchange for his testimony against his two accomplices. Not only did we the adoring fans welcome him back with open arms, but he made the cover of the Madden 2005 video game.

Former Tennessee Titan and Dallas Cowboy Adam 'Pacman' Jones has had a litany of run-ins with the law including a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club that left one person paralyzed from the waist down. Jones pleaded no contest to conspiracy to commit disorderly conduct - quite a bit different than the two felony charges he was facing.

In 2008 Marvin Harrison was allegedly involved in a shooting outside a bar that he owns. While ballistics have confirmed the bullets in the shooting came from a gun owned by Harrison, conflicting eye witness reports have prevented investigators from making an arrest in the case.

Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall has been arrested several times over the last 5 years on a number of charges including assaulting a police officer, domestic violence, driving under the influence, and misdemeanor battery.

On March 1st of this year, Cleveland Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth killed a pedestrian with his car while he was driving under the influence. In April he was charged with second degree manslaughter.

All of these players (with the exception of Stallworth) have come back to the NFL without nearly the controversy that has plagued Michael Vick.

I can't help but wonder why?? Is Vick's crime that much more odious than what 'Pacman' Jones or Ray Lewis or Dante Stallworth did? Is it because dogs are cute and fluffy and late night drunks are, well, not cute or fluffy??

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love dogs (have one - soon to be two myself) and think what Vick did is absolutely vile and disgusting. And I'm not saying he should be forgiven, but I guess I just don't understand why we are so willing to give some celebrities a pass - like Michael Jackson (child molestation) or Kobe Bryant (rape) - but not others. Is it really as simple as "dogs are defenseless creatures"?

I'd love to hear what you think about this topic. Feel free to leave your comments below.

Does Michael Vick deserve to play football this year?

Screaming Confession #1

From time to time on this blog I will come clean about the things in my life that I love, or do, or want, or want to do, or have done, or think about. Things that some lesser people might be afraid to admit. I call it, a 'Screaming Confession'.


So, for my inaugural confession, right here on this very blog, I am officially declaring my love for the American Idol Season 8 coronation song. That's right, I absolutely can't get enough of the song 'No Boundaries'!

I know the coronation songs are usually fairly lame - Taylor Hick's Do I Make You Proud comes to mind. Even David Cook (who pretty much turned everything to gold) couldn't save the gawd awful Time of my Life.

But No Boundaries seems to be universally hated drawing the ire of just about anyone who listens to it (read some of the comments folks are making about it here and here). Even Kris Allen has dropped the song from his set list on the American Idol Live Tour!

However, I can't drop the song from the setlist on my iPod and I am more than man enough to admit it! I think Adam Lambert's version is much better than Kris Allen's, but honestly, I love both!

Let me know what you think!

To hear Adam Lambert's version click here.


To hear Kris Allen's version click here.

Equality Isn't Always Equal.

Women fought a long and arduous battle for something they never should have had to fight for in the first place - Equal Rights. And with few exceptions, it's a fight they seemed to have won. Women can now do just about anything a man can do. They're police officers, doctors, lawyers, judges, astronauts, CEO's. Heck, a woman can now run to be President of the United States! Yep, as a society, it would seem we've come a long way since "the good old days".


And as a father of two girls, I'm very thankful and excited to know that the opportunities in store for my daughters are limitless!


But when it comes to equality, the one area that is grossly inequitable and still has a long way to go, is Family Law. But not for women, for men. That's right, when it comes to Family Law, it's a woman's world - men just happen to live in it.




The disparity begins immediately after conception. Once a women gets pregnant, she has all the control. If she wants to have the baby and the father doesn't - too bad. Whether he wants to have a baby or is ready to have a baby, it's her decision. Oh, and even if you - Papa - aren't interested in being a baby Daddy, sorry, you're on the hook for support.

But, if the woman doesn't want to have the baby and Dad does - too friggin' bad. Sorry about your luck bucko, there's a snowball's chance in hell that she's going to have the baby and pay YOU support. You'll have to go find some other sucker to knock up. Does this seem fair to you??


And then there is custody. Custody in our society is horribly unfair. 90% of single Fathers have less than full custody of their children. Why? Are we not interested in being Dad's?? Nope, that's not it. It's because a judge (who I'm sure has a degree in child psychology and perhaps even ECE) decides what's in the "best interest" of the children. And due to archaic thinking, it's pretty much a God given right that Mom gets custody. But how can a judge decide what's in a child's best interest without ever meeting or spending time with Mom or Dad or the children who's lives he or she is about to rule on??


*sigh*

Sadly, as it is with Criminal Defence, the "best interest" of the children really boils down to how good your lawyer is.


And once your ex-wife has custody, you become nothing more than a glorified babysitter. When I was married, I never had to ask permission to take my kids to the park. But, if I were to just take my kids to the park now (without permission from her Royal WOPness) I could be charged with kidnapping!

My ex acts as if she's doing me a favour by allowing me to see OUR kids. Like they belong to her but I'm permitted to borrow them from time to time. Oh right, according to the judge, they do belong to her. It was in their best interest. Even though he's never met me. Or her. Or our kids.

Of course then there's the most contentious issue of all - Support.


In my humble opinion (and please remember, on MY blog, MY opinion is GOSPEL), support is a joke.


How much does a loaf of bread cost? Around $2.49? Sure. Does the price of a loaf of bread go up based on your income?? Nope. So why does the cost of raising a child go up based on your income?? For those of you not bright enough to follow my train of thought - why the hell does support go up when your income goes up??


The popular answer is, if Mom and Dad had stayed together then the children would have benefited from the raise in income. Well, a) I didn't stay with my wife, b) who says they don't benefit now, and c) this is really the dumbest argument I have ever heard! Seriously, why don't I benefit when my ex-wife's income goes up??


Sadly, much to the dismay of my avaricious ex-bride, my income has stayed relatively the same over the last 4 years. Sorry honey.


You want further examples of the unfair system men are subjected to?? Support is enforced while access isn't.


A man can have his wages garnished, or worse, have his drivers license suspended for not paying support. Now, I firmly believe that a Father should support his offspring, but seriously, who was the genius that decided that taking a man's drivers license away was a good way to enforce support??


And what recourse does Dad have if Mom doesn't want to honour the access agreement?? It happens all the time. And Mom can make up any excuse she wants not to send them - little Tommy has a sniffle, little Jane has a dance recital, little Stevie has dirt under his fingernail. The explanation for denied visitation can be legit or bogus, it doesn't matter, SHE has control and there is no way to enforce access.


And just to rub salt into the wounds, if Dad misses a payment or two, it doesn't matter - pay now or pay later, even if the court needs to garnishee your wages, YOU WILL PAY. However, if Mom denies access once, twice, or continually, well, sorry buddy - even if you go back to court, there's no such thing as arrears for visitation. A visit missed is a visit lost - forever!


The whole Family Law system is so biased against men it's disgusting. It's based on a stereotype that women make better parents than men. Am I bitter?? You bet I'm bitter. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be too. Imagine if the custody of your drivers license was decided based on the stereotype that men drive better than women. Based on the ruling of a judge who has never ridden in a car with you, your ex-spouse now controls when you can drive, and when you can't.

Equality?? Pfft! We've got such a long way to go and it seems as if no one is interested in doing anything about it.

*sigh*


Feel free to leave a comment as I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject.


Meantime, here are some stats for you to chew on.


90% of fathers have less than full custody of their children.


37.9% of fathers have no access/visitation rights. (Source: p.6, col.II, para. 6, lines 4 & 5, Census Bureau P-60, #173, Sept 1991.)


"40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse." (Source: p. 449, col. II, lines 3-6, (citing Fulton) Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers and Mothers. Sanford Braver et al, Am. J. of Orthopsychiatry, 1991.)


"Overall, approximately 50% of mothers "see no value in the father`s continued contact with his children...." (Source: Surviving the Breakup, Joan Kelly & Judith Wallerstein, p. 125)


Only 11% of mothers value their husband's input when it comes to handling problems with their kids. Teachers & doctors rated 45%, and close friends & relatives rated 16%.(Source: EDK Associates survey of 500 women for Redbook Magazine. Redbook, November 1994, p. 36)


"The former spouse (mother) was the greatest obstacle to having more frequent contact with the children." (Source: Increasing our understanding of fathers who have infrequent contact with their children, James Dudley, Family Relations, Vol. 4, p. 281, July 1991.)



"A clear majority (70%) of fathers felt that they had too little time with their children." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Mary Ann Kock & Carol Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 54, Winter 1984.)


"Very few of the children were satisfied with the amount of contact with their fathers, after divorce." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Koch & Lowery, Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 50, Winter 1984.)


"Feelings of anger towards their former spouses hindered effective involvement on the part of fathers; angry mothers would sometimes sabotage father's efforts to visit their children." (Source: Ahrons and Miller, Am. Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63. p. 442, July `93.)


"Mothers may prevent visits to retaliate against fathers for problems in their marital or post-marital relationship." (Source: Seltzer, Shaeffer & Charing, Journal of Marriage & the Family, Vol. 51, p. 1015, November 1989.)


In a study: "Visitational Interference - A National Study" by Ms. J Annette Vanini, M.S.W. and Edward Nichols, M.S.W., it was found that 77% of non-custodial fathers are NOT able to "visit" their children, as ordered by the court, as a result of "visitation interference" perpetuated by the custodial parent. In other words, non-compliance with court ordered visitation is three times the problem of non-compliance with court ordered child support and impacts the children of divorce even more. Originally published Sept. 1992


Information from multiple sources shows that only 10% of all noncustodial fathers fit the "deadbeat dad" category: 90% of the fathers with joint custody paid the support due. Fathers with visitation rights pay 79.1%; and 44.5% of those with NO visitation rights still financially support their children. (Source: Census Bureau report. Series P-23, No. 173).


Additionally, of those not paying support, 66% are not doing so because they lack the financial resources to pay (Source: GAO report: GAO/HRD-92-39 FS).


The Poverty Studies Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, discovered in 1993 that 52% of fathers who owe child support earn less than $6,155 per year.


66% of single mothers work less than full time while only 10% of fathers fall into this category. In addition, almost 47% of non-custodial mothers default on support compared with the 27% of fathers who default. (Source: Garansky and Meyer, DHHS Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, 1991).